I want my husband back!

[Dixicrat]

Excellent. I just noticed that I've been promoted to Sergeant. I haven't worn those stripes in 20 years, but I might still be up to the job.

(*Ahem*)
Hello, men. I'm Sergeant Dixicrat. I don't know who your last squad leader was, and I really don't care. But it looks to me like there are a few issues we need to address, from the get go.

You, soldier! What did you shine those boots with?! It sure wasn't shoe polish. I'm guessing that you used a chocolate bar. Get it fixed! ...Men, take pride in your personal appearance.

And you! Men shave everyday. Women don't. Report to me after formation, and we'll discuss which one you want to be.

And over there... you, with your hands in your pockets! Get those damn "slacker gloves" off now! Men, slouching around with your hands in your pockets is not the way to present military bearing!

As for the rest of you... keep up the good work, men! Now, after formation, I want Alpha team to move out to the computers for tactical training in AACW. Bravo team, draw your weapons from the arms room for cleaning and inspection. Teams will swap places at 1030 hours.

Squad dismissed. Except for you, "sweetheart". We've got a date in the latrine. Go get your shaving gear, sweetie.

What in the hell is everybody standing around for?! Move with a purpose, gentlemen!

[Aphrodite Mae]

Today, Dixiecrat and I have been married for 20 years!

I believe that some joyful singing is in order, here! I have borrowed two ancient tunes that everybody knows, and changed the words to suit me.
I'll go through both songs once by myself, and then we will all repeat them, ok? I want all of you men in all of the forums to sing good and loud when its your turn to sing! Bring your friends from "Birth of Napoleon" or whatever its called, and all of the other stupid games, ok? Gentlemen, please feel free to substitute "she" for "I" when you're singing, and so forth.
…Thank you! ompom:

…Let's start this fun! Ladies first.

To the tune of Dixie
Oh, I'm married totheguy you know as Dixie
stares too long at fat-boobed Pixies
look away!
look away!
look away, Dixicrat!

For some twenty years we have seen them born:
sometimes at night, sometimes at mornin'
we've got kids!
we've got kids!
They're our kids, Dixicrat!

Well, I'm glad I married Dixie!
Hooray! Hooray!
With Dixicrat I've made my stand:
I'll live and die, with Dixie!
Hooray! Hooray!
I'd give my life, for Dixie!
Hooray! Hooray!
I deeply love my Dixie!


To the tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic
My eyes have seen the glory of a handsome hunk of man
who is also really smart and cool, and so I gave my hand
I've worn this ring for 20 years today, and ain't it grand!
I deeply love my man!

Glory, glory hallelujah! I'm so glad I got to knew ya!
Hurry home, I want to dooya!
Our love has lasted long!


Okay gentlemen… now its your turn!

Listen, Bill! …dozens of lovely deep manly voices singing to celebrate our anniversary! I think we will remember this for a long time, don't you?

...And for all of you who are man enough to have sung with me, thank you! Y'all are so sweet!
ompom:+

[dooya]

Today, Dixiecrat and I have been married for 20 years!
[...]

My dearest Lady May, congratulations to you and, of course, to Dixicrat.

[...]Hurry home, I want to dooya![...]

Let me guess, your dog has a new name?

[Dixicrat]

Hi, Everybody.
I've known that "Aphrodite Mae" was working on a "secret project", but I never guessed it was this.

It's an odd feeling, men, I've gotta admit: me giggling like a little kid as I read her sweet silliness, while being (maybe just a little bit) misty-eyed, shall we say.

I would guess that a lot of you married men out there might disagree with me, but I really do have the best wife in the world.

And just so its written in public somewhere for the entire world to see:
I love my wife with a depth, intensity and passion that simply doesn't seem possible. I always have, and I always will. Except maybe that first day we met. Isn't that right, honey.

She doesn't know it yet, but she and I are leaving for a four day little "get away" 2nd honeymoon type of thing this afternoon. So, we'll be gone for a few days, but we'll be back in time for the weekend.

[arsan]

Congrats to both!

dooya,
what do you do on that cute anniversary song??
There is some kind of "menage a trois" going on here??

[Dixicrat]

To his excellency, the Spanish Ambassador;
and to his august Chinese majesty and German Ambassador,
Greetings.

I have been informed by diplomatic communique that there may be some confusion involving lyrics of a well-intentioned song which my wife may or may not have sung on this forum. It is to the advantage of all that we avoid an international scandal.

Thus, it is hereby resolved:
Henceforth, his august Chinese majesty and German Ambassador shall be referred to as "Doofus", rather than "Dooya", to avoid any complications or confusion. At least in communiques posted by myself.

I remain your humble and obedient &c &c
Dixicrat
Ambassador to Aphrodite Mae

[dooya]

Congrats to both!

dooya,
what do you do on that cute anniversary song??
There is some kind of "menage a trois" going on here??

Was new to me too. Maybe a Freudian slip? Anyway, we all a grown ups and can handle such a situation like gentlem...

eehhm, one moment please arsan, I just saw this huuuge Pick-up truck running across my driveway. Maybe it wants to turn around? Funny little Dixie flag on its roof.

Uhh, no not across the flowers. Yeah, accidents can happen. Even twice. Or three times. Flowers a gone now.

And the Pick-up stops. With its front wheels on my car's hood.

And a man with a cowboy hat steps out - LOL John Wayne will visit us today.

Gosh, I have never seen a man kicking a flowerpot that far. Or a cat.

He opens the trunk and picks a stick.

And a knife.

And a baseball bat.

And a rifle too.


[SIZE="1"]The door bell rings. [/size]

[arsan]

Doofus is a cool name also, dooya.
Think about it!

PS: we badly need an AGEOD Chinese Majesty on the forums!

[dooya]

Doofus is a cool name also, dooya.

Yeah, of course it is. Especially because than the label would fit the content.

PS: we badly need an AGEOD Chinese Majesty on the forums!

Title already claimed. ompom:

[Dixicrat]

I think I've posted somewhere or other that "Aphrodite Mae" was an officer when I met her. She was a warrant officer, and she was a helicopter pilot. The very first time that I heard Havely's voice, she was telling her crew chief, "Tell that idiot to cease fire!" (Blanks, not live rounds.) Of course, the idiot she was talking about was... well, I'll let you guess. A story for another time.

Anyway, one of our favorite tunes when we got married was "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC. I found a video on YouTube that I think is particularly appropriate for our anniversary, and I'd like to share it with you.

She never flew any Apaches (they were before our time), but I met her in a Blackhawk, and she also flew CH-47s and Hueys. So... the chance is really small, but the chance exists that it might be Hav piloting one of the Blackhawks you're going to see.

Rock on, everybody! Here's the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-f1cwycSWq0

[Sol Invictus]

Congratulations to the happy couple! arty: Who wouldn't fall for a lady that can pilot a chopper? Great video. I have loved AC/DC since highschool.

[Rafiki]

Congratulations

In 1997-1998, I had the pleasure of serving alongside the Blackhawk crews flying DUSTOFF out of Blue Factory in Bosnia (commanding a Medevac Sisu APC myself). Nothing but good things to say about each and every one of them. The time I was brought along for a nighttime testflight will remain a memory for life

[Zebedee]

Congratulations Aphrodite Mae and Dixiecrat.

[Comtedemeighan]

KEEP THE DREAM ALIVE Aphrodite Mae and Dixiecrat

[ancient seaman]

Congratulations

In 1997-1998, I had the pleasure of serving alongside the Blackhawk crews flying DUSTOFF out of Blue Factory in Bosnia (commanding a Medevac Sisu APC myself). Nothing but good things to say about each and every one of them. The time I was brought along for a nighttime testflight will remain a memory for life

Stories from the military i see around.Lots to remember,not all pleasant thought.

BTW i think they must be the 1st couple in the forum.
Congrats and better make love not the other... thing.

[Aphrodite Mae]

To his Excellency the German Ambassador, Greetings; An open letter, regarding a certain recent diplomatic mission which recently… failed, shall we say.

...I just saw this huuuge Pick-up truck running across my driveway. Maybe it wants to turn around? Funny little Dixie flag on its roof....

As you no doubt know by now, your visitor was not Dixiecrat. It was his friend, Billy Jim Joe Bob. Dixiecrat wanted him to visit you on what Dixiecrat calls a "Cultural Exchange Mission". This "Cultural Exchange" was supposed to end all misunderstandings between you and him, regarding me. Isn't that sweet? My Dixiecrat is so thoughtful!

Uhh, no not across the flowers. Yeah, accidents can happen. Even twice. Or three times. Flowers a gone now.

As for your wife's flowers, I'm happy to tell you that I've made arrangements with Tuliparbeitenbulbstoffenwerkgruppe GmBH to provide new pleasures in your wife's flower garden. Mistakes can be made, and I wish to make amends.

Gosh, I have never seen a man kicking a flowerpot that far. Or a cat.

Now, as for your preciously sweet cat, no animals were actually hurt in this demonstration of… well, let us simply call it "Katzenjammerkoffsmerzenfreundshaft", in a new spirit of international understanding! I regret that your kitty, "Dickedinge", somehow ended up in Billy Jim Joe Bob's truck; Dixicrat says that it will cost approximately $5000 to ship Dickedinge back to Germany in the style to which she is accustomed. Dickedinge is safe, well fed, very loved, unkicked, and looking forward to coming home, I am sure. So: as soon as we receive the money from you, she'll be returned.

And the Pick-up stops. With its front wheels on my car's hood.

We are new to international diplomacy, and so we did not consider that perhaps oriental german people like you might take offense at our admittedly quaint Southern way of parking vehicles. Please accept the (almost) fully restored 1978 Renault "Le Car" as a replacement for your loss. (Billy Jim Joe Bob thoughtfully included a paintbrush and a can of paint in the backseat, so that you might finish its restoration, yourself.) We sincerely regret if it is blocking your driveway; it was only an unfortunate oversight by Billy Jim Joe Bob that he dumped it out of his truck where he did. Rest assured, we shall send the key along with Dickedinge.

He opens the trunk and picks a stick... And a knife... And a baseball bat... And a rifle too. ...The door bell rings.

I can only express my deepest regret for your misunderstanding of Billy Jim Joe Bob's brief pause to rearrange his children's sporting and camping equipment in the trunk of his truck. He only wanted to show you Dixiecrat's shotgun. I'm sorry if you misunderstood this cultural outreach. Here in the South, shotguns are frequently brandished during important occasions like weddings and elections and so on. And finally, I should add that Dixiecrat regrets that he wasn't able to visit you personally. Even so, he has assured me that if and when he does decide to visit you, it will be in what I am guessing by its name to be some sort of English sports car. (A "Bradley AFV"…? Perhaps you know of these.) In the spirit of Katzenjammerkoffsmerzenfreundshaft, [font="][size=84]Aphrodite Mae [/size][/font]
[size=84]
[/size] [font="][size=84]PS I thought it was really cute the way you went through the smooch line three times, the other day! You're so sweet!
[/size][/font]

[Aphrodite Mae]

...The very first time that I heard Havely's voice, she was telling her crew chief, "Tell that idiot to cease fire!"...

I am sorry, Dixicrat, but this is simply untrue. I did not say "Tell that idiot to cease fire!" I did not call you an idiot, I am certain.

We both know that I didn't begin calling you an idiot until after we were married. So, I must have said something else.

Sweetly,
Aphrodite Mae

PS Hey, everybody! I have found a picture of Dixicrat that I would like to share! If anyone is wondering what he looks like, now the mystery is over!

[Dixicrat]

Dear AGEOD,
Please quit hosting such cool forums, ok? I'll bet that I'm the only man who's sitting and fuming on the couch, eating cold leftovers while his wife posts on your forum, while her husband and children eat something that she made, a long time ago. So I've gotten tired of this, you know what I mean? Stupid me, I thought that if I encouraged her to post silly things, then we would have more togetherness. I was right, but not like I thought. Now all we talk about is how funny Doofus is, or how I could write my posts better, , or how I can reheat the leftovers that I've known that I'd be eating, all along. (So far, the most important thing I have learned is that you don't put foil-wrapped potatoes in the microwave.)

Do you have a clue or something that I can give her, so she'll quit monopolizing the computer all the time, and quit pouting when I tell her that I need to work? See, because she's a woman, she spends my money. I think that if I get busy, my clients will shut up about deadlines I've missed, and my wife will have more money to buy cute shoes. But I love your games.

Sincerely,
Dixicrat

PS If she doesn't quit posting so much, I'll go broke from ordering pizza and I won't be able to buy anymore of your games.

[arsan]

Do you have a clue or something that I can give her, so she'll quit monopolizing the computer all the time, and quit pouting when I tell her that I need to work?

A laptop for her, maybe?
This will not solve the reheated food problem but...

[dooya]

[...]
This will not solve the reheated food problem but...

If you buy a cheap one, you can reheat any food you want with the fan while you are writing.

[Aphrodite Mae]

Mr. Rafiki, sir...?

I just noticed that I've been promoted to Corporal. This is nice. But this is taking too long.

Can you brevet me to Lieutenant or something, so Dixiecrat will have to salute me? I would list my qualifications, but I don't have any. So I was thinking that maybe if I asked you really sweetly and promised to send you a nice peach pie or something like that, that we could make some sort of deal that would be beneficial to all. Except maybe Dixiecrat.

[Rafiki]

My apologies, Ms. Mae, but making such an exception to the rules and regulations governing these boards would lead to nothing but disorder and anarchy. No amount of peach pie can make me change my mind, even if it had been made of bananas.

[dooya]

How about awarding Lady Mae with the custom title "Always one rank above Dixicrat"?

[Aphrodite Mae]

Mercy me, whatever was I thinking?! Of course I should have offered you a banana creme pie! Such an oversight clearly indicates that I'm not ready to be an officer. Please forgive my impudence; I just wanted to boss my husband around with even more authority than I already have.

,
Aphrodite Mae

PS I just love your little boogie-banana! It's so cute!

[Jojo le Gouffy]

dooya, it's a good idea

[Rafiki]

I just wanted to boss my husband around with even more authority than I already have.

Being a husband myself, I'm sure you have more than the necessary authority already...

PS I just love your little boogie-banana! It's so cute!

Here are the other members of his dancing troupe:

[Aphrodite Mae]

Me again, Mr. Rafiki!

As you are well aware, I am now the hostess (and moderator) for a social group. I was wondering if I might borrow from you some moderator ink. I know that you use blue; I was thinking that a nice [color=Plum]pink [/color]ink would suit my purposes, I believe. I hope to return it to you unused, when I eventually leave the forum.

Regarding moderating: is there any way that I can zip posts, or save them in some other way? I don't want to erase anybody's posts; but the thread is becoming cumbersomely long. Also: is there any way that I can rearrange the order of posts in the thread? Finally: why is the sort order reversed from regular forum thread post order, and is there any way I can change this?

Thank you in advance for your response. I would give you a smooch, but you're a bit too furry. But you're sweet, anyway.

[Jabberwock]

Here are the other members of his dancing troupe:

You missed a few.
[ATTACH]4418[/ATTACH]
[ATTACH]4419[/ATTACH]
[ATTACH]4420[/ATTACH]
[ATTACH]4421[/ATTACH]

That's it for now.
[ATTACH]4422[/ATTACH]

[dooya]

You missed a few.
[ATTACH]4418[/ATTACH]
[ATTACH]4419[/ATTACH]
[ATTACH]4420[/ATTACH]
[ATTACH]4421[/ATTACH]

That's it for now.
[ATTACH]4422[/ATTACH]

Every forum member able to post in this thread after your post is proven to not be an epileptic.

If someone likes it slower, come to Germany:

[Rafiki]

As you are well aware, I am now the hostess (and moderator) for a social group. I was wondering if I might borrow from you some moderator ink. I know that you use blue; I was thinking that a nice [color=Plum]pink [/color]ink would suit my purposes, I believe. I hope to return it to you unused, when I eventually leave the forum.

I have to admit that I'm still "on the fence" about the social groups. They took us/me a bit by surprise, but for now, I'm figuring to let them be and see how they work out.

I guess what I'm saying is that you should caretake the group in any way you deem appropriate, as long as it is keeping with the forum rules and general spirit. If you deem it necessary to bring out the special ink to make a point, I say you by all means shall have all the ink you need

When it comes to the questions you have, I can simply provide thoughts rather than insights, more specifically:

Regarding moderating: is there any way that I can zip posts, or save them in some other way? I don't want to erase anybody's posts; but the thread is becoming cumbersomely long.

I do not think posts should be erased, except in obvious cases (e.g. spam and suchlike).

I can't say I know of any way to pack up posts.

Also: is there any way that I can rearrange the order of posts in the thread?

Not that I know of; posts appear in chronological order

Finally: why is the sort order reversed from regular forum thread post order,

That's the default way of arranging them

and is there any way I can change this?

Can't say I've seen any place that allows us to change it, I'm afraid.